This is my dad.
(this photo was taken a while ago but I think it’s hilarious)
He went to cosmetology school, and he works for a hair-cutting scissor company. Whenever I watch TV or movies with him, he always comments on people’s hair (whether it’s a sports game or the news). With all the wacky NBA hairstyles around the league this season, I decided to have him rate some of them.
If you know my dad at all, you’ll know why I thought this would be fun. I spent about 10 minutes showing him photos and getting feedback. This is the result, in no particular order.
1. George Hill
I told him to just say what he thinks for these. After showing him a photo of Hill, he eventually settled for “sheep’s wool,” and he left it at that.
2. Jeremy Lin
Without missing a beat: “the Beatles.”
My dad is convinced Kobe lies about his height, so for Jeremy Lin’s spikes, he said that Lin probably is just trying to add inches to make himself appear taller.
3. Lance Stephenson
I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed, but Lance Stephenson is totally rocking a bowl cut. After chuckling at Hill and Lin, my dad said he actually likes Stephenson’s style. He called it very trendy and lovingly coined the term “shelf cut.” He added that you could also call Stephenson a “Chinese G” because his hair looks like the guys from old Chinese gangster movies.
4. Nick Young
“Cheetos. Women love the Cheetos.” This is a real quote.
5. LeBron’s hairline
He laughed and said LeBron definitely had transplants because hair doesn’t reappear that quickly.
6. Kelly Olynyk
“He’s probably from Wisconsin or something. ’70s rocker. Modern day hippie. The NBA’s Fabio.” (Note: Olynyk is from Toronto. Apologies to Wisconsin and Canada for any offense, nothing against you guys, it’s just a hair thing.)
7. Kevin Love
“Antonio Banderas in Zorro.” He also added that it reminds him of Bill Walton’s hair, and it is similar!
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Wikimedia Commons
“Everyone’s going retro,” he said, wisely.
Bonus: Carlos Boozer
There have been so many jokes made about Boozer’s sharpie-esque hair that I thought I’d spare Boozer from this list, but my dad brought him up without me even asking. AND SURPRISE!
My dad is probably the only person on the planet who genuinely likes Boozer’s marker hair. He described it as a Japanese hair dye (no idea if that’s 100 percent true), and he said it makes Boozer look like a “cool superhero.”
He said that NBA players should start wearing swim-type caps on their heads, so that then they could wear whatever hair they want. Essentially he proposed that NBA players should wear wigs while they play.
That concludes this edition of “My dad Ed rates NBA hairstyles.” Not sure if there will be more of these, but if you see weird hair and would like my dad to comment on it for some strange reason, feel free to let me know.
